Communication in Marriage

Communication is the lifeline of marriage. From the beginning to the end, it determines the potential of every area of a relationship. Whether it is money, children, romance, sex or household chores, being able to openly and successfully talk things over is crucial to marital harmony.

Of course, just as in other areas, men and women are very different when it comes to communication. One of the essential differences that must be understood is the encryption that is necessary when speaking to the opposite sex. Let me explain...

Men and women hear through their deepest needs and inner natures. For example, a woman's deepest need is security. She needs to know that her husband is sensitive to her and that he is sacrificially committed to her on every level. When she is secure, her heart is free to live and love.

A man's deepest need is honor. He needs to know that his wife esteems and respects him. Everything his spouse does or says passes through the "honor filter" and dramatically affects his outlook on life and attitudes concerning their relationship.

When we understand our deepest needs and those of our spouse we must also realize that our communication must match our spouse's nature in order to be successful. Another way to say it is this: When we are communicating in a manner that violates our spouse's inner nature and deepest needs, it will create hurt, frustration and conflict.

When a man communicates with a woman, regardless of what is being said on any given subject, every word must be spoken with "security encryption." In attitude, tone, body language and every other way successful communication to women always conveys this message: "I love you and am totally committed to our relationship. I will sacrifice to meet your needs. You are on my heart and are my first priority." Unsuccessful communication is sent without this encryption and that is why it fails.

When a woman communicates with a man she must also equip every word she says with "honor encryption." Everything she says to him must convey this message: "I respect and honor you. You are a good man and I believe in you. I am your greatest supporter and biggest fan. I am proud of you and will stand by your side forever." Anything spoken without this encryption will violate his deepest need and inner nature and therefore fail to influence him as desired.

We must understand that when we are communicating with someone of the opposite sex they are made much different from us. Every word we say is encoded with an attitude that our spouse can intuitively pick up on. If you have been struggling in the area of communication, maybe you are having encryption problems.

Blessings