Remembering Retro: Monthly Reminders for a Happy Marriage

Could “Old Fashioned” practices offer greater longevity, pleasure, and stability to your marriage? Many relationship experts interviewed from a recent article that I expand upon here, respond with a resounding “YES.”

Today's married couples may be well advised to emulate some of the successful strategies of their happily married parents and grandparents –from maintaining same-sex friends to even sleeping in separate beds! “Baby boomers and younger generations got sold on the psychology of “being authentic” which unfortunately has given rise to assume permission to speak and treat each other with disrespect."

Two recently reissued books originally published in 1913; “Don’ts for Husbands and Don’ts for Wives” contain hundreds of tried-and-true tips for a happy marriage. Advice for wives includes such tidbits as; “don’t let him have to search the house for you after his day’s work. Listen for his latch-key and meet him on the threshold,” and “don’t bother your husband with chatter if he is tired.” And for husbands; “don’t hesitate to mention the fact when you think that your wife looks exceptionally nice,” and “don’t scowl or look severe; cultivate a pleasant expression.” Of course, all this goes without saying, life is a two way street. So for our initial Retro Relationship Tip:

#1 Reinstate Civility“Please, “ “thank you”, “pardon me”, “may I”; these seem to be phrases that seem to have all be vanished from our present day vocabularies. Unfortunately, especially with our loved ones. Extending to your partner the same courtesy you would a stranger. When speaking to your spouse trying more sweetness and tenderness, saying things lovingly. Use a combination of old-school civility as well as modern frankness. Employing respectfulness.

Psychotherapist and author Tina Tessina, PhD, concurs; politeness is like a lubricant for our daily interactions; it makes everything go more smoothly.”

Joyce Morley-Ball, EdD, counselor advises; “Show her that chivalry is not dead; Pull out her chair, open the door for her, help her put on her coat, give her your coat when it is cold outside. These simple acts of affection shows that she is important and there is a level of respect for her.”

There is a plethora of wisdom we can gain from graciousness and gentleness of previous generations especially with the technology and savvy of today’s marriages.

It is my aim, and desire these next 12 months to reignite the passion of the promises made.

Colossians 3:12-17 New International Version (NIV)

12 Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility,gentleness and patience. 13 Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. 14 And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity.

7 Tips to Getting the Most Out of Your Tableware Wedding Registry

I love this guest post by Su Sazama, co-owner of Fitzsu.com, an online and by appointment design boutique specializing in contemporary home accessories and tableware. Enjoy! 

Registering gifts for your wedding is awesome. It is one of rare times you actually get to choose your gifts while giving your guests the comfort in knowing that their gift will be well received. So don’t deny yourself the pleasure.

If you are planning a wedding, making sure every detail expresses both of your personalities, then you should give equal if not more consideration to your wedding registry. After all, you will be eating at home, entertaining friends, and hosting family holidays much more often than you will have wedding days. So here are 7 things you can do to make registering fun and fruitful in the long run.

1. Know when to register. You want to register after you book the wedding dates with all your vendors and before any scheduled wedding showers at least two months before the wedding. And you really don’t want to be registering during your last two weeks before the wedding. There is a nice lull after the rush to book your favorite band and caterer to start planning and putting into action your wedding gift registry.

2. Do some research and find your collective style. Just as you plan every detail of your wedding you should plan your personal tableware. It is an expression of your combined personalities, not just about plates and flatware. Figure out how you want to put it all together to create your own unique experience for yourselves and your guests. Pinterest is a great place to create a wedding registry inspiration board to pin your favorite table settings, tableware and kitchen accessories. Here are a few sites where you can find table setting editorial and ideas for the kitchen: Elledécor, Houzz, Fitzsu, Foodandwine, MarthaStewartLiving, andn Remodelista. Also, type the word “tablescapes” into Pinterest and you will not be disappointed.

3. Commit to spending the day registering together without other responsibilities. Feeling pressured, ultimately leads to indecision, frustration and dissatisfaction. Whether you are registering on line or in a store, it takes time, so make it a vacation. Go out for a nice brunch, so you don’t register hungry. Bring your inspiration with you. When you are done, go to the spa. You will always look back on this day fondly whenever you use your wedding gifts.

4. Be realistic but plan for the future. Tableware is meant to last. You may be only two now, but are you planning on having a family? Do you already have a big combined family of parents and siblings and possibly their children? You may not have 10 for dinner, but is having at least two more couples possible? 12 is the standard starting point for place settings and glassware, and for good reason. You need more than you will use in one meal and you will grow into it. At minimum I would consider at least 8. Decide if you need both fine china and every day dinnerware. 95% of couples who register with fitzsu trade up the everyday and forgo the second special occasion set. This way they can take pleasure every day in their nice dinnerware and dress it up for their guests with cloth napkins and interesting table accessories. Be realistic. How are you going to entertain? Nowadays, a dinner party is perceived special by the overall unique experience and not so much by its opulence as it was in the past.

5. Register for what you can afford to replace. Dreaming about your future dinner parties is fun and you should enjoy it, but if you don’t expect anyone to buy you a $500 gift, don’t register for the $500 per glass crystal stemware. On the other hand, if your friend drops your $500 wine glass after a few glasses and it doesn’t devastate you, then by all means put it on your registry.

6. Take into account how many guests you have and register accordingly. Yes, it is nice to give your guests some options so that they feel like they get to decide what they give you, but it is also wise to guide them towards what you really want or need. I have seen couples who really need a matching set of dinnerware in all its 12 place settings, just register for that and be so happy to get it all. On the other hand, unprepared couples register for a whole assortment of random items and are disappointed because they didn’t get flatware but have enough platters to serve an army.

7. Read stores’ registry policies, especially return policies; and be wary of websites that let you register everywhere. These websites are in no way connected to the sites you ultimately register with through them. Places like myregistry.com and amazon expect you to go to each store’s website and read their policies. You may register for items you plan on returning or exchanging to find out later you can’t. They also do not always keep track of your purchases. You might end up with 10 more dinner plates than you registered for and cannot return. You also cannot exchange items from one store for items you registered at another. If you find a store that speaks to your aesthetic, then I suggest you go there directly. The customer service will be better and you can ask them about returns and how their registry works.

For example, we offer an “alternative” registry for couples who want to be able to exchange gifts or change their mind later. It takes the pressure off the couples who are still uncertain about their choices and takes the work and waste out out of shipping returns back and forth. The couple knows who is buying them what items for their letters of appreciation, but they can decide what they want to do with all their gifts after the wedding. This requires the type of customer service you want in a registry that an affiliate website like amazon cannot provide.

Your wedding registry is a great opportunity to design the world you want to live and entertain in.
If you pick a time to register when you have finished most of your wedding planning, research and visualize your ideal table, decide ahead of time your quantities, and make a fun day of it, you will be happy remembering it every time you sit down and eat in the future.

Su Sazama is co-owner of Fitzsu.com, an online and by appointment design boutique specializing in contemporary home accessories and tableware. For over 13 years, Su has assisted hundreds of couples in creating their wedding registries. In addition, she provides personal service to homeowners, designers, architects, and estate managers globally in selecting tableware and kitchen accessories to suite their unique styles and personalities. Her experience offers sage advice on how to register your gifts with your fiancé and enjoying the process. Find me on LinkedIn, Google+, Facebook and Pinterest.